Gypsy wanderer-ing
"Just when I’d managed to find all the answers, they changed all the questions.”
And so it goes.
The last six months has been a little challenging. Another trip into the complexities of the psyche- unravelling, unnerving at times, and finally some liberation.
You see, they told me (I love it how we always say ‘they’, like this group of people that have been advising us our whole lives- some kind of counsel), that my job was to raise my child. And that I did. Diligently, proficiently and dutifully.
And I guess I thought that when I got to the big milestone in Anglo-culture- 18 -that I would have succeeded, and finally there might be some sort of acknowledgement/assistance or some kind of apology from the people that didn’t help. But there was more radio silence.
It’s a weird thing in our culture- motherhood that is. You are conditioned to believe that giving over your whole being is the mark of a ‘good’ mother. And in my case-I managed to do all the providing, all the caring (albeit there are some things I could have done better) with little-no support. Thats a long fucking time to be solo parenting.
You are meant to do all of this with a smile and to be grateful for this gift. Yes I am grateful, but I was also very tired…… running a household on one salary for all those years took its toll.
I am happy to say that after some ‘poor-me’ moments, whilst my mind was conflicted with the knowing that I should be grateful because of the privilege I have here, I am still cognizant that our society is sick- parenting is not designed to be the responsibility of just one person, or even just two functioning adults for that matter.
With this knowledge, and after a lot of rest/self care the last month, I am ready and willing to step into the next phase of life - aptly termed by a fellow mother of adult children- ‘gypsy-wandering’. A time in my life where I can take my lived experiences and transmute into something of benefit for the next generation, in the way that Native American cultures believes in enriching the world for the next seven generations.
I don’t know exactly how that looks just yet- a book, conversations with young-folk, or perhaps just shining my own light in the way that yoga has taught me.
I do know this- whatever you are doing as a parent in Anglo-society- you are probably under resourced- if not financially, in terms of connection and genuine support, and all this disconnect needs to shift into community and care.
With all my motherly love, I see you (of course in the avatar kinda way), and I am here to help you good thangs XXX
Tudo amor,
Shelly X
